The questions began the day that I got engaged. The intensity and frequency only increased all through my relatively short engagement. By the time I was officially married, I was already pretty tired of the question. “So, when are you going to have a baby?” There are plenty of variations of the question, but the intent is always the same. At first, I took the question in good spirits. I would politely respond that I don’t think I want kids. The look of horror was almost always the same. And then would come the inevitable follow-up questions. Most people simply could not comprehend that I could be happily married and not want to add the pitter patter of a child to the mix . So, people tried to reason with me by using the same logic that they apply when they watch me stuff Oreo after Oreo into my relatively thin frame—“you will change when you hit 30.” Mind you, I was married only four months prior to my 30th birthday. When the magic number 30 came and passed, the logic was that I would want a kid when I was 35. I haven’t reached that number yet to disprove the masses, but it is fast approaching.
The constant questions about children I can usually take in good stride. My sister, however, is extremely irritated by the intrusiveness and I can understand her point. Having children or not is a very private matter. There are plenty of couples that struggle with infertility and would not necessarily want to go into those personal details with every random acquaintance that asked the question. Even in my case where I have decided to not have children, it can be uncomfortable to answer those questions. Childless by choice is a growing trend. Researchers at the Pew Research Center found in a study last year that 18 percent of women now end their childbearing years without biological children, compared to 10 percent in 1976.
It is still difficult to believe for some people that a couple would willingly choose to not have a kid. They search for reasons.
“Do you hate kids?”
“No,” I reply, “My nephew is awesome.”
“Are you not able to have kids?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I have never tried.”
There have been worse questions and accusations. I have been accused of being selfish because I don’t want a child. I don’t get that one at all. My reasons for not having a child are far less selfish than the Duggars’ or Angelina Jolie’s for having a litter of children. The negative perception of childless couples is becoming more common. An increasing number of people say that childlessness is bad for society — 38 percent in 2009, up sharply from 29 percent in 2007. I see many parents every day and their unending struggles. Not enough time or money, ending up with a troubled child, feeling stressed out daily, living on no sleep, to name a few. I sometimes think that childless by choice and parents in America can be even more divisive than race or religion. It is a choice people make, whether you agree with it or not. The world is grossly overpopulated so producing more children isn’t necessarily what the environment needs. The judgment will continue though. The same people who endlessly complain about their children will still harass me about having one. Uh, yeah, I don’t think motherhood is for me. But, I am super glad that you are “enjoying” it.
On The Web
- Why I Got a Vasectomy at 28 (alternet.org)
- Do Children Grow Out of Asthma? (brighthub.com)
- I Win At Losing (theredneckmommy.com)
- Whine and dine (bbc.co.uk)
- The joy of singlehood (thestar.com)
